So. My halfway point has come and gone. I have been living away from my home in Bloomington for over six months, and in six months, I will be headed back to the United States.
Two weeks ago, my best friend from my program went home. A wonderful, vibrant, ambitious girl who dragged me out of my October loneliness, Jilly spent fall semester here with the Marquette program and has returned to her home in Chicago.
I didn't have much time to mourn Jilly's departure, for the next day my family arrived, and we set out on a beautiful two-week recorrido por España. As a family that has never had the opportunity to travel abroad together, seeing Spain was a wonderful blessing for my parents, my sisters, and me. We saw the very best that this amazing country has to offer, sight-seeing in Madrid, Segovia, León, Barcelona, Sevilla, and Granada. It was a hell of a trip. And what is more, in León, we spent some amazing quality time with my Spanish family and that of my sister Rebecca, who also did the IU Honors Program in León in 2007. It was an incredible, surreal, and beautiful sight to see my two moms - Jeannie and Flor - dancing and drinking and laughing together in León, doing their best to communicate across a vast language barrier.
My American mom Jeannie, the zombie version of me, and my Spanish mom Flor:
Two weeks ago, my best friend from my program went home. A wonderful, vibrant, ambitious girl who dragged me out of my October loneliness, Jilly spent fall semester here with the Marquette program and has returned to her home in Chicago.
I didn't have much time to mourn Jilly's departure, for the next day my family arrived, and we set out on a beautiful two-week recorrido por España. As a family that has never had the opportunity to travel abroad together, seeing Spain was a wonderful blessing for my parents, my sisters, and me. We saw the very best that this amazing country has to offer, sight-seeing in Madrid, Segovia, León, Barcelona, Sevilla, and Granada. It was a hell of a trip. And what is more, in León, we spent some amazing quality time with my Spanish family and that of my sister Rebecca, who also did the IU Honors Program in León in 2007. It was an incredible, surreal, and beautiful sight to see my two moms - Jeannie and Flor - dancing and drinking and laughing together in León, doing their best to communicate across a vast language barrier.
My American mom Jeannie, the zombie version of me, and my Spanish mom Flor:
On Saturday, we went our separate ways. My parents headed stateside to go back to their jobs (although they were "unfortunately" detained in New York due to inclement weather). My sister Emily headed to Ireland for a one-week adventure hopefully full of good beer and beautiful landscapes. And Rebecca returned to her life in Guatemala, where she is undertaking an incredible challenge as a Peace Corps volunteer. "The TeKolste Sisters Take the World."
When they left, I realized I was in Spain not only without my family but also without Jilly and my other dear friends who went home after the semester. I had a minor meltdown and returned to my piso in Cuatro Caminos.
Thinking about the next six months is overwhelming. Sometimes I can't help but think how much easier it would have been, how many fewer sacrifices I would have had to make, and how comforting it would be if I had only decided to come for the semester, if I were already back in my own bed in my parents' house. And it's true. It would have been easier. I wouldn't have been forced to grow as much or step as far out of my comfort zone or learn as much Spanish. I was a little bit ashamed to admit I was pretty jealous of the fact that Jilly was going to get to see her friends again so soon.
But, as my friend Emily pointed out, in her ridiculously witty fashion, the difference between going abroad for a semester and going abroad for a year is vast. "It's like they just got a nice vacation and now they're going back to their friends and family with some nice stories and a bigger worldview," she commiserated with my jealousy. "...Their experience is almost all roses, and ours has some shit thrown in there. But it's good fertilizer for some growing we've got to do... Yeah, I did that."
I laughed at Emily's absurd metaphor at the time, knowing of course that she, as always, was right.
So I picked the shit. I picked the experience that wouldn't just be an extended vacation, the one that I knew would challenge me and force me to live in a different culture in a way that was integrative and sustainable. I picked the experience that wouldn't allow me to idealize Spain as a country for the rest of my life, but instead would force me to understand it profoundly and maturely, recognizing that it is not just a country of siesta, fiesta, flamenco, and tortilla but also a country with shortcomings, just like any other. I picked the shit that would force me to grow, to learn how to take care of myself, to be my own person, to feel lonely and lost. And yes, even after four months in Madrid, I am still scared of what this experience has to offer. But I am proud that I stuck to my guns, that I did something challenging, and that I am on a path of tremendous personal growth.
My sister Emily asked me on Saturday if I was happy I decided to stay for a year. I told her I didn't know, I'd have to get back to her when the year was up. And that is true. But at the same time, I know I am not yet where I want to be with my Spanish, with the relationships I have made with the people I have met here, and with my personal accomplishments. I have much left to learn and experience, and hopefully, in June, I will say that it was worth it. Bring on the shit.
Some pictures from our trip: